Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, back to work I go!
As many of you know I quit my job about a year ago. I just wasn’t happy there and we were able to swing it for me to not work for a bit. Getting Our Little Cupcake while I was unemployed was not part of the plan but was the most wonderful surprise. Well, the time has come for me to go back to work. I found a finance position at Holland America and I think it will be a good fit for me.
I start on Monday and am incredibly lucky to have found a company that also offers an alternative schedule that allows me to work longer days and then have every other Friday off. This week I have been a ball of emotions, experiencing everything from excitement to guilt to sadness.
Part of me is really excited to join the workforce again! It’s been awhile since I used the “finance analyst” side of my brain, so it’ll be fun to work my mind in that way again. I feel a little guilty about it, but I’m also looking forward to being around adults more often again. There’s a certain boost of confidence that comes from learning new skills, so I am looking forward to that also. I didn’t realize before this, that being a stay at home parent can be a little bit isolating. As an introvert I never thought I would feel this way, but I’m looking forward to social interactions again. Mondays were always a letdown because I no longer had that “so what did you do this weekend?” conversation, as trivial as it sounds. I’m also looking forward to having a more predictable schedule. Granted, it will be filled with meetings and emails, it’ll be nice to have a schedule during the day not dependent on how long someone’s nap was and the like. ;). On the other hand, there’s no possibility of a midday nap for mom either, lol. Another perk of going back to work is some time to myself during the commute. Again, I feel a little guilty saying that. I often feel like as a mom I should want to spend each and every moment with our little one but I have to admit sometimes a break is needed. I’m not looking forward to the traffic but will enjoy the time to myself in the car listening to podcasts, music, or just collecting my thoughts. Derek and I will be swapping so he will be the one home with Our Little Cupcake while I’m working. I am excited for him to have this experience and to see his bond grow even closer with her. It’s also really nice knowing who she will be home with. I know that we have a certain amount of privilege since lots of people don’t have the luxury of one parent staying home but I am grateful we do.
Then there’s the sadness. She’s already growing so fast, so I know I’m going to miss a lot of milestones. I’ll probably miss being there for the first step she takes or her first word. It’s also tough knowing I won’t get to see her all day after spending all day with her. I’m going to miss getting her up in the morning and playing with her or just cuddling with her whenever I want. This week I’ve found myself tearing up a couple of times when I’m playing with her or I see her smile. It’s not like I’m never going to see her again, but it’s just different. One upside is that leaving her will make coming home to her and Derek that much sweeter. It will also make me appreciate the time I do have with our little one.
This next week is going to be exciting, stressful, and all kinds of things, but overall I am looking forward to it.